Are you influencing your team, or are you controlling them?

I’ve been surprised recently by the number of leaders, both in the news and outside of it, who think that leadership is about control. I’m not going to get into politics here, but controlling isn’t leading—it’s dictating. The problem is that most people hate conflict and lack the skill set to manage it, so instead of dealing with the actual issue (or person), they jump to impose a rule or boundary that is unnecessary. This is reactive and is often based on an old childhood fear of conflict too.

The reality of leadership is that the bigger the company, the less control the leader has. Leadership becomes much more about being a visionary, inspiring others, and putting your trust in your lower-level leaders to actually lead their teams. It’s much less about being in the details and getting in people’s way!

Humans like autonomy—if you start to remove it, they react badly (ever tried to hold a wriggling toddler?). You can assert your authority to a point, but eventually, people become resentful and start spending all their time trying to get around your rules, or they leave. True leadership isn’t about control—it’s about influencing change. The best leaders don’t force people to follow them; they inspire others to want to.

Think about the leaders you respect most. Was it their power, or was it their presence and energy that made them memorable? The way they made you feel? Their ability to create an environment where you wanted to give your best, or their ability to set rules and regulations?

We all value fairness, so when we find ourselves being punished because someone else in the team isn’t managing their workload or time effectively, we’re not happy!

There is interesting research into fairness—people don’t mind what their bonus is; they mind if it’s fair. They don’t mind what the rules are, as long as they are fair.

Influence is built through trust—trust that you will act fairly, trust that you will allow autonomy, and trust that you will do what you said you would do. It’s earned, not demanded.

So, the real question is: Are you trying to control, or are you choosing to influence?