Have you ever found yourself behaving in a way that doesn’t feel like you?

Have you ever found yourself behaving in a way that doesn’t feel like you?

I used to have areas that flipped me into a different version of myself. My anger was one of them. I hated it! Luckily, I was self-aware enough that I recognise this and continuously strived to clear that behaviour…

I learnt to state change. State changing is when we have the ability to change the way we feel. Especially the ability to switch out of a negative mood fast, this is a very empowering skill, one that I teach my clients through the work we do.

So, what causes us to flip so poorly? Think of roles you have in your life… Maybe you’re a CEO, an entrepreneur, a parent, partner, sibling, best friend, runner, actor, celebrity… For each ‘role’ you probably have different beliefs about yourself and how you should act within it. I’ll explain…

Imagine this circle represents your whole life. The small circle in the middle is the core of you. Each outlying segment represents you, but in a different role. As I tell my clients, as a rationale, I believe that inner circle should be at least 90% the same you, a fixed core you that doesn’t change,; and an absolute maximum of 10% of ‘you’ should be made up of whatever role you are currently inhabiting. You should be at least 90% the same person, with the same behaviours, the same state of being, no matter the role you’re currently in. When you traverse through the different segments of your life you may show subtly different ‘faces’ and that’s perfectly fine and correct, for example; I am slightly different around my clients to how I am around my partner or my children; It’s correct that we change sometimes… but that change should be a maximum of 10%.

If you aren’t cohesive in holding to an 90% ‘core you’, then each time you step from role to role (even if that’s eight times a day), ‘you’ will become someone entirely different with a whole different set of beliefs and behaviours.… You’ll change character when you switch between roles, like an actor playing several different characters in the same play by changing costumes. Just as each costume change will inform an actor’s performance, each of your role changes might alter your vocabulary, posture, mannerisms, attitudes and values (you may even find you care more or less about some things in certain belief systems). Some people notice this most dramatically in themselves on the way to and from work. They can feel inauthentic.

By doing the inner work on yourself, you’ll find you very naturally find that 90% you just stays present all day. You’ll still be able to nuance yourself around others where needed, that difficult customer or colleague for example, but you’ll stay calm and tuned into yourself, your needs, your beliefs, your behaviours. It’s much less tiring for you and your mind.

I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced this change in yourself in different situations?