How to make better decisions
You make around 36,000 decisions every day… but mostly without realising it.
If you think that any of those decisions could change the whole course of your life… it could become quite terrifying. Deciding to go to that seminar might inspire you to start your own business; deciding to have a hot chocolate again (again…) could lead to you having a heart attack in 50 years’ time; deciding to pop to the shop whilst you’re passing could lead to you meeting the love of your life. Who knows where deciding to read this article might eventually lead you?
So here’s a question… how often do you think you stop to make a conscious decision?
Probably only about five to ten per cent of decisions are consciously made - and I’d argue that ten per cent is probably a generous estimate for most of us! Our lives are our decisions, and yet we pay almost no attention to them because they are decisions made unconsciously. We are 95% run by our unconscious minds.
Now, that in itself is a good thing. Our unconscious minds can make decisions at warp speed – we’d never be able to make all of those decisions consciously. But if someone’s unconscious mind isn’t working as well as it should be… there might be problems. It’s something that can and does happen. Sometimes, it’s down to a wobbly childhood; sometimes, it’s later traumas to blame. Sometimes, a big decision someone makes goes wrong, and they decide they are untrustworthy.
If you struggle with decisions, don’t put yourself into a tailspin. Spending more time worrying and delaying decisions isn’t the way to go. Just make sure your unconscious is on your side - feeling good, and up to the job – and then you can leave it to make decisions on your behalf without worrying too much. Just check in for the really big, important decisions when you have to.
So… how do you do that?
Firstly, you must find out whether your unconscious works well for you. Ask yourself these three questions:
Do you feel that you make good decisions, the results of which make you happy?
Are you happy with where you are in life? In your job, home, family life? Are you moving towards your dreams?
Are you happy with every aspect of yourself? Are your behaviours and beliefs moving you forward rather than holding you back?
If the answer to any of those three is no, you have an issue you ought to address.
Our unconscious minds want to protect us, and so create behaviours and beliefs in us that they ‘think’ will benefit our safety – which in turn affect our decisions. So, although you may think you have thought a decision through pretty well, or it ‘feels right,’… it may be that your decision was based on a negative process your unconscious was running. When your unconscious works poorly, what ‘feels right’ is often wrong.
Let’s use an example:
Imagine a professional rising up the career ladder, putting their career on hold to have children. They enjoy having the kids and love their time at home; however, there comes a time when they want to return to work. But they notice they aren’t as confident as they used to be; they see roles they should apply for but find themselves applying for jobs lower down the scale. They tell themselves they fear they may have forgotten how to be a professional and don’t want to look silly. They tell themselves they feel like their brain might not work as well as it used to… and any number of other excuses.
Why would they suddenly know less than they used to, or be less capable?
It may be they’ve always been slightly lacking in confidence or had a bit of Imposter Syndrome ticking away in the background – things they always ‘managed’. But now they’ve had a break from their straight career path, getting back on and ‘managing’ those issues again feels vast and scary. Their unconscious might be protecting them – but it’s not doing them any favours. It’s holding them back rather than helping them to move forward. I’ve experienced that feeling myself, so I know how debilitating it can be – and I know that unchecked, an over-protective unconscious can totally derail a career… or a life.
So what can you do?
I always believe 1-2-1 work is best but until you’re ready to do that, do this.
Pause for each decision and double-check with yourself. Start small. Practice with decisions like whether to have tea or coffee (or hot chocolate…), and build up to bigger decisions. Decision-making is a skill – it can be learned.
There’s a simple decision-making formula in my book - that will help you, too.
Achieving your dreams isn’t nearly as many decisions away as you might think – especially if your unconscious is making the right ones!