It matters when you stay silent.

Last week I saw a post on Facebook. It was a female business owner mentioning how a wonderful male surgeon had operated on her mother’s face. She talked about how lovely this surgeon was, how friendly and how skilled, but also how attractive he was and she had google searched and found a photo of him in tight bathing trunks, covered in oil, definitely a model shot. Lots of the comments underneath the post were about his body. Now he chose to put this photo on the internet but in a different context to his job.  

I gently explained that if he had been a woman and men had put up a post saying what a good surgeon ‘she’ was and had put a picture of her in a bikini, and all the comments had been about how sexy she was, that it would have exploded on social media. I explained that I defend men as well as women.  

She was fantastic about it. Completely engaged in the conversation, even messaging me privately and thanking me for my thoughts and for helping her to see it differently. She asked if she should take it down. I said no, this is how people learn by seeing these conversations. She did decide to take it down but said she was so pleased I had brought it up.  

Cut to two days later. A very well-known business figure who I am in the groups of, put up a post about settlers in Australia. Unfortunately, although his post was well meaning – he was making a business metaphor, he completely white-washed Australia’s past and didn’t mention the original inhabitants. By the time I saw this post several other people had also complained and were upset by it. I simply said it was a whitewashing of Australia’s history and that I felt it should be taken down.  

He said, nothing.  

No reply, no engagement of the conversation.  

No justification, no acceptance.  

Simply nothing.  

I have been reflecting on how someone who has little influence was prepared to step into the conversation and admit she misjudged it, when someone who has huge influence point blank ignored the feedback.  

I wouldn’t have minded what his response was, but to say nothing seems, well cowardly.  

If you want to be a true alternative leader, you have to have courage of your convictions. Stand up for what you truly believe. Step down when you get it wrong. At the very least, step into the conversation.  

By ignoring the feedback this person definitely lost standing in my eyes and I’m sure in others.  

Don’t ever believe that you are so big that you are beyond being accountable. In my opinion the day you do that is the day you on your way back down.  

It matters when you stay silent.