Why I'm cross about trauma led leadership and...

… how this blog can help you if you are being pushed into it.

It’s been quite a couple of years for leaders.

Not only have they had to get to grips with remote leading, working from home, the impact of Covid-19 on their careers, businesses, and personal lives, but they are also expected to have absorbed several new skills from the ether…

Honestly, this seems unfair to me.

In all honesty the leaders I had worked with, or was working with, during Covid told me that they were managing okay with those changes. They felt reasonably confident and most just required some nudges and tweaks. Those that came to me afresh were really struggling, but we soon got them straight.

What I’m seeing now is that leaders are expected to be (in no particular order…)

·         A Therapist (trauma led leadership)

·         A mate (they must know all about your home life, seemingly whether you like it or not)

·         A mind reader (they need to know all the things that you might have asked if you were in the office with them)

I could go on.

Obviously the one that concerns me (and that’s putting it mildly, pass my soapbox) most, is the trauma led leadership. It’s frankly ridiculous. I trained for over several years to be a therapist, coach and a mediator. I also read, learnt, took more courses and worked with 1000’s of clients. I did this so I have a good idea of what is the problem when a client sits in front of me.

Most leaders have not had this training.

Trauma is exactly as it says, traumatic. It’s not even easily solvable for many counsellors. I would go so far as to say it’s actually dangerous to suggest that leaders should know how to deal with it, same goes for the mental health support team in the work-place who are unqualified (praise to them for stepping forwards in the void though). So much more damage can be done if you deal with trauma incorrectly and that can be literally the wrong wording as much as the wrong action.

This description literally highlights the problems…

‘Trauma-informed leaders cultivate the conditions for posttraumatic growth through their compassionate presence, understanding of trauma responses, and ability to attune to and hold themselves and team members who are experiencing emotional struggles or distress.’

Let’s break this down…

‘Posttraumatic growth,’ depends on the level of trauma. The ‘growth’ part can take years to heal from, if we ever truly do. We tend to become a different version of ourselves, happy and fulfilled, but different. This is work that a therapist would guide a client along. The management of this growth comes from knowing exactly what you are saying is going to have the right effect and not trigger an avalanche of new traumas. It is entirely unique to each client; no two traumas are the same even if they arose from the same situation.

‘Understanding of trauma responses’, depending on the training a leader has had, unless they have specifically trained as a therapist, and then as a therapist they specifically trained in trauma, there’s no way a non-therapist has this understanding. You can read a few business pop articles but it’s not the same as understanding how the brain works, how the unconscious works and what unique effect that might have for the person in front of you. How their trauma began, how it links to their other experiences, their identity, their family etc. Trauma is so incredibly complicated.

‘An ability to hold themselves and team members…’ No, just no. Anyone in emotional distress is 99% unable to hold others at the same time, again especially with no training.

Also, what does ‘hold’ mean to you? For some it means completely take over and do everything for that person, for some it means sit with them while they cry and just listen, for some it means other things.

For a therapist it means their ability to be in a ‘space’ with that client in whatever way that client needs them to be. They need to know instinctively what that clients needs or know exactly the right way to ask what they client needs. A therapist will offer a space that may include, listening, enabling, watching, takes action, or offers words that may help – that space is sometimes purely silent.

Holding the space is actually an incredible skill. I’ve seen it beautifully done only a handful of times by people with lots of training. It means you have to know that the person will definitely be okay, that you have faith that even through what they are going through, they are okay (and you may need to predict their physical safety, and, well, so much more than that.

Leaders trained, qualified, learnt and grew to be leaders in their fields. If they wanted to become therapists they would have trained to be so. There is a vast difference between being compassionate and kind and being able to manage trauma.

If you feel you are being forced into this role, please show this article to your leader or HR department.

If you feel traumatised then do get in touch, with the right help, it’s an easier journey.

*stands down off soapbox*