Why trauma and leadership go hand in hand

I hope you have had a great week, I have certainly enjoyed more sunshine and lighter days.

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership this week and what an intricate balance it is. Leadership is really not a real ‘thing’ and yet it’s a ‘thing’ that has always been around. Right back to our hunter gatherer days someone would have made the decision where we went and what we did. It’s strange that something untouchable and almost unquantifiable, is also something that changes with each person is so incredibly important to the functioning of human beings and our planet.

We look around us at the leadership of the world and whatever your belief system, I think we can all agree it’s horrendous at the moment. Enormous and wide ranging decisions being taken that damage innocent people. I have stopped watching the news as it honestly all feels unrealistic like I’m watching a TV show.

What I do see is damaged leaders, in fact, deeply traumatised leaders rebounding their inner emotional turmoil onto the world. These are the ones that shout and scream, belittle others, pick on those who do them no harm – because they are an easy target. They create rules that make no sense, and show no diplomacy or articulate conversation. You can see the signs of trauma in extreme facial expressions, short stunted sentences that don’t often make sense, jerky body movements and verbal lashing out. In short it’s like watching adults have a toddler temper tantrum. In usual circumstances you would remove them from the room or remove others from the room to protect them, and leave them to it. They would learn that this behaviour gets no attention and no response. Sadly like the school bully – like Biff in the film ‘Back to The Future’, others are so frightened of them that they pretend to agree. I can only hope the likes of George McFly will finally see some sense.

Trauma is not often talked about as part of leadership. Everyone assumes that to get into such a senior position that you must be mentally healthy, however often it’s exactly the trauma that they have gone through that is why they are in leadership and at the top! There’s a joke that most leaders are psychopaths, and statistically there is a much higher proportion in leadership because they are entirely happy to walk over other people. However there is also a huge proportion of senior leaders who experienced a traumatic childhood event or simply a traumatic childhood, who are now playing out their emotional baggage on their team and investors.

The traumatic response is what got them to the top, here are some examples…(all will be unconscious and often unknown by the leader)

I have a fear of not being loved so I have become a people pleaser and a workaholic. I got to the top by being charming and by being someone who gets stuff done. I’m driven to succeed because if I don’t I will have to face the fact I feel unloved.

I’m driven to succeed because I’ve always felt stupid, so I want to build something significant so I can show that I’m not (this was one of mine!)

My parents have always sacrificed everything for me so I have to succeed to prove that I’m worthy of that sacrifice.

No achievement I have had to date has made me feel like I’ve actually done something amazing. It’s never enough, I have to push for the next thing all the time.

The though of doing nothing makes me feel itchy – even at home I keep busy.

Etc….

I love working with leaders because they tend to be incredibly bright (whether they know it or not), fast learners, who have a skillset of previous qualifications and a huge life/leadership experience, that they haven’t tapped into. It’s like opening the gates on a dam and watching all of that trapped information pour into their lives.

When you remove trauma, people become natural leaders, but they do so with calm presence, balance and with style. All that trapped information suddenly embeds into the right places and they soar! The business often soars too or they remove themselves from toxic situations they may have become trapped in.

Is this you?

Do those comments above resonate with you? If so, your world needs you to go and sort out yourself so you can fully step into your leadership. I’m always happy to have a conversation and help you work out whether you are running on old patterns and systems or if you are in tip top condition, grab a discovery call if you want help identifying what’s stopping you.

Until then, start trying to observe your own leadership, or be brave and see if others will be honest..

Have a fabulous rest of your week!