The Reality Of Leadership

This week I had the same conversation with two of my clients. They are both struggling with a team member who they feel is deliberately being awkward. Here’s the reality, most people are tired, stressed and have a lot of emotional baggage knocking around. Most people are stuck in their own heads trying to make their way through the maze of their own life. They aren’t often thinking about you.  

A human creates their own reality through their own experiences, the beliefs of those around them as they grew up and all the things they absorbed as they grew – books, TV, films, news etc.  

You may have heard the phrase, ‘reality is perception’.  

We all have our own unique view of life and our perception is our reality.  

I often say, most people do not wake up in the morning and think, ‘I think I’ll annoy Sam today.’ Yet, Sam is annoyed!  

One of the biggest pieces of work I do with teams and as a mediator, is helping them see that the other person is not, out to ‘get’ them. It’s just someone else with their own reality. It’s no more right or wrong to them than yours is to you.  

So if you want to avoid conflict. First think, do I genuinely believe that this person is deliberately trying to upset or frustrate me, or are they just acting out their belief system? If you can accept this, you’ll instantly lose some of your frustration.  

Then ask them or think about how they have got to the conclusion that they have come to? If you don’t know a really good phase for this is,  

‘Could you walk me through why you think this works?’ This is a great phrase as it helps them to see any issues as they talk though it, but it may show you why their ideas doesn’t work. If it doesn’t then you can say, ‘okay, in my opinion this is the place where this idea doesn’t work.’  

Leadership isn’t just about making the decision yourself. It’s about listening and reviewing what you hear. It’s about bringing your team along with you. If you do override everyone then it’s useful for them, and you, to know that you took their thoughts seriously and fully thought about all the options.  

Listen out for other people’s realities as you go about your day.